The Year the Music Stopped—and My Indie Rock Husband Became a Full-Time Dad

The Year the Music Stopped—and My Indie Rock Husband Became a Full-Time Dad


Life in Lockdown is a sequence trying again at a unprecedented, difficult 12 months—commemorating what we’ve misplaced, what we’ve gained, and discovering the moments of hope.

5 years in the past, as I left the workplace forward of Memorial Day weekend, I exchanged vacation journey plans with a colleague within the elevator. He was heading out of city along with his husband; they have been going to Northern California for some wine tasting, however principally to calm down. “What about you,” he requested earnestly?

A montage of my very own plans—flying to Montana to fulfill my husband’s band halfway by way of a U.S. present run, after a gig in Missoula, and earlier than their tour bus embarked for the Columbia River Gorge and a string of dates in Vancouver, Portland, San Francisco, and Los Angeles—ran by way of my head as I weighed my phrases rigorously. “I’m assembly my husband… within the Pacific Northwest,” I lastly responded. “He’s been touring for work.”

I wasn’t embarrassed that I used to be willingly selecting to spend my days off sleeping in a glorified coffin-turned-bunk mattress on wheels with 6 different guys and a non-functional rest room; I simply did not wish to get into the trivialities of the itinerary, or the Bohemianness of all of it. At 35, I apprehensive that I had maybe outgrown #buslife, which was exactly why I used to be occurring the journey. Whether or not or not the band stayed collectively, this could be my final tour.

It didn’t must be, however I knew it will be. Kids have been coming into deal with the horizon and my tolerance for the lengthy drives and the longer nights had waned over the ten years I had spent standing side-stage at indie rock concert events. However for that prolonged vacation weekend, I’d be alongside for one final journey—for the mediocre meals, the drink tickets, and the two a.m. border crossings; for the merch desk and the three encores on the Surprise Ballroom; for the doughy British DJs and the wannabe riot woman who had begun supplanting Brooklyn bands on the pageant circuit; and for that evening in L.A. when my husband buried his head into the hole of my clavicle and exhaled. “I really feel previous,” he whispered. “We are previous,” I advised him.

After I had our son two years later, my husband nonetheless left for some quick (and a few longer) stretches on the street. However when our daughter was born final Could in a quick and livid 5 hours at a virtually empty maternity ward within the Catskills, remoted from the close by Covid unit, he was grounded for good. The pandemic had decimated the music business, cancelling excursions and shutting down venues, and when my husband’s band determined to go their separate methods, he was immediately very a lot round—and really a lot unemployed. In a twist on the overwhelming narrative taking part in out throughout households nationwide, we determined that my husband would put his profession on maintain so I might deal with mine. I’d help our household, and he would deal with our youngsters. Over the course of just some months, he went from band dude to band Dad–or, as my father began calling him final Spring in these early days of the virus, “Mr. Mother.”

The comparability to the 1983 rom-com of the identical title starring Michael Keaton and Teri Garr was not completely correct. Within the John Hughes-penned script that trades in gender function reversal quips, Keaton’s Jack Butler loses his job at a Detroit autoplant, leaving Garr’s Caroline, a housewife and mother-of-three, to mud off her briefcase to make ends meet. Keaton takes on all the home duties whereas Garr unpauses her profession in promoting, and the hilarity ensues. 



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